Hateful Feelings

Erin HAS forgotten this blog. :( It's like she doesn't even notice it's here. HELLO, THE STORY OF TWINS!? Not The Story Of GRACE!

Sorry I'm so sour. If you read Bethie's blog, last night I scavenged through Ma's bedroom and found ZERO signs of Ruthie and Ma's dolls didn't give much evidence.

Aaah. I feel so bad.

"It's all Ma's fault!" Lanie ranted after I explained what had happened. "She's too cruel and evil to realize that Erin will be CRUSHED! No, she'll realize it, but she'd be laughing! Oh, that's what she'd do! Erin would sit there, trying to be polite and not be upset, but clearly she'd be unhappy, and Ma would be LAUGHING! Oh, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I HATE HER!" Lanie kicked the bed.
''Lanie, relax." I touched her arm. "It's okay to be angry, but don't take it out on Ma."
"I have every right to take it out on Ma! Because of her, she's going to ruin Erin's birthday! Do you know how LONG it would take Erin to earn the money for Ruthie?! It's hard enough for her to earn money for New York City, and she doesn't even know if she's getting a doll there! Hate, hate hate!" Lanie shrieked.
"So what if we don't get Ruthie?"
"That's easy for YOU to say! Ever since I arrived here, YOU are the only person who's really befriended me! Everyone else pushed me away and didn't want to be my friend! I keep on thinking maybe Ruthie will be different! And maybe she will! But we'll never know now that Erin's not getting her!" Lanie screamed. The tears trickled down her flushed cheeks.
"Oh, Lanie." I hugged her. "I didn't know getting Ruthie was this important to you."
She wrapped her arms around me. "I'm sorry I'm so angry. It's just, it's so hard to be the different girl at school."
"What do you mean?" I asked. She sat down on the bed. I sat next to her.
"Well, before you arrived in February, I was miserable. Everyone called me a nerd for doing so well in Science and knowing about all the plant names and animal species. I was so upset. Nobody would be my friend. I know that Bethie would have been nice to me, but she didn't go to school. I sat alone at lunch everyday. I tried to make friends, but everyone pushed me away. Not even my friends in garden club were nice to me. They called me a know-it-all and threw dirt at me. I was so sad and unhappy, but when you came along, and you were so kind to me, I was thrilled. I had a friend, and I liked it. It made me want to have more, but since nobody wanted to be my friend at school, I was happy with having just you. When I heard about Ruthie, I got so excited. Maybe she would be my friend." Lanie explained, the tears slipping down her cheeks.
I hugged her. "I didn't know I meant that much to you, Lanie."
"You mean the world to me, Grace. Your the Swiftie that makes my world go around, and I couldn't imagine life without you." 'Swifties' are what Lanie called Taylor Swift fans.

I felt so dirty and disgusting now that I had this chat with Lanie. Last night, Ma had held me and kissed me and hugged me, and now I feel filthy. I can't stand to see the bilge of garbage called grandparents that make up for un-bought birthday presents by kissing little girl's dolls and playing with little boy's toys. It makes me SICKENED to see the filthy wretch of elders who find it amusing to ruin children's birthdays. Would the appreciate it if their families didn't get them what THEY wanted for their birthday? No, they would not. In fact, they'd probably cause a whole ruckus because of it, since my unofficial stats show 67% of family celebrations revolve around grandparents. I feel as though I have betrayed my family by allowing the ancestors of my beloved Erin show affection towards me.

Does that make sense to you? Sorry, when I'm mad I get literary.

~Gracie~